He got three weeks pay for not checking his emails.

Computer is not good for your health

The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam’s rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.

The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, “Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?”

9: You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is “Hi, what’s your URL?”

8: Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends email.

7: You’re amazed to find out spam is a food.

6: You “ping” people to see if they’re awake, “finger” them to find out how they are, and “AYT” them to make sure they’re listening to you.

5: You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

4: You introduce your wife as “my lady@home.wife” and refer to your children as “client applications”.

3: At social functions you introduce your husband as “my domain server”.

2: After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, “I feel so “colon-right parentheses!”

..And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1: If asked for contacts, you reply: “google me!”

When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
“Write in C.” As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers”
“Write in C.” Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, write in C.
LISP is dead and buried,
Write in C. I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
for science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C. If you’ve just spent nearly 30 hours
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C. Write in C, write in C,
Write In C, yeah, write in C.
Only wimps use BASIC.
Write in C. Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, oh, write in C.
Pascal won’t quite cut it.
Write in C. Guitar Solo Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
Don’t even mention COBOL.
Write in C. And when the screen is fuzzy,
And the edior is bugging me.
I’m sick of ones and zeroes.
Write in C. A thousand people people swear that T.P.
Seven is the one for me.
I hate the word PROCEDURE,
Write in C. Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
PL1 is 80’s,
Write in C. Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
The government loves ADA,
Write in C.

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems,  which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button ’start’ but there is no ’stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘run’   he ran up to Nakuru! So, we request you to change that to ’sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any ‘re-boda’ is available in system? I find    only ‘re-cycle’, but I don’t cycle. I take a boda.

4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this ‘ find’ button in vain. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so how can he do that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘MY Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is not   even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When will you provide ‘My Past Documents’?

10. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God sake please do not provide   ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my  office hours.

Regards,
J

Last one from me to you Mr Bill Gates : Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?